love the weekend pt.1

i decided to forego my annual catskill mountain late-may bluegrass and boozing for beach weather, "true life" stars, and the possibility of finding out what the eff would cause drock to scream out "JERZAAAAAY" every time we cross the holland tunnel westbound. so in celebration of memorial day weekend, and the first summer exodus from the sidewalk grime, i found myself bombing down the garden state parkway at 7 on a saturday night (rip honda civ) heading for what was guaranteed to be a guidlicious disaster zone.

dude- jersey did not disappoint.

we pull up to the parental abode in brielle and mama imperato promptly asks me wtf is wrong with my voice. (did i mention the rager til 9 am? oh right, yeah, took a 2 hr nap nbd. a solid start to the weekend, for sure, but just a warm up- did little more than leave me sounding like a seasoned lounge singer.) we head into the thick of it after some bomb pizza and wine that papa imperato hooked up...to bar a.

this place is.....jersey. from girls scarfing hot dogs on line (no euphemism here) to the hair gel/spray combos to the untzing to the accents, each step was better than the last. this place is huge- bars all over the place, bartenders who can't do their jobs (i mean a lemon drop shot is more than just lemon drop vodka furrealz.) We grab shots to catch up with the crowd, and each wind up with a ketel soda and a busch light, one in each hand at which point a deep V necked pair of shoulders approaches...

guido: "yo, why you double fisting?"
drock: "why do you shave your chest?"
guido: "**whimper** what??" (as his crew assembles...)
yours truly: "you should really look into waxing."

and the party rages on.....

daily grind

papa h just called me from outside the building to come down and say hi because he had some business meeting a few blocks down.

what was he wearing to this meeting?

crocs. but you know, black ones....so they're dressy.

don't even know what to say.

get by with a little help from my friends

it's just one of those days.

[redacted]: stupid question
how do you get frmo the a rate to the c rate
i know from c to a you divide by 1.15

me: multiply by 1.15
that was a stupid question

the bromance continues

alpha bromancer: dude, i'm hurtin from that thing we did.
beta bromancer: what thing?
alpha bro: you know, that thing we did today...
beta bro: oh yeah, that thing we tried lying down? that was rough.

i was right

apparently i CANT give blood- 20 minutes after giving "the gift of life" i found myself laid out on the marble entryway with two receptionists shaking me.

told ya so.

illegal shmillegal

update regarding the bloodletting:

my boss just called me to ask if i could donate blood- and when i said i couldn't, there was a distinct change in her voice until i said it was because i'd been to europe. then she SIGNED ME UP ANYWAY and said "i'll just put you down for the 2 pm timeslot- we'll see then if you can't give blood."

uhhhh that's really illegal, right?

keep keep bleeding love

giving blood has always seemed like a really nice thing to do, but ever since being turned away after 9/11 because i was too young i've chickened out evvverytime. clearly, that makes me a bad person, as you can tell by my firm's email to each and every employee:

"By donating blood you are giving the "gift of life" to cancer patients, accident victims and others in emergency situations. Even if you have not donated before, we really need your help."

whoa, i've been withholding life? guilt trip. >:-(
(not an emoticon fan but that was just too ridiculous not to do.)

so anyway, I wanted to check the requirements just to see if there was any legitimate reason that i could claim for not doing it- and turns out there seriously is, and not even a creepy one--> i've been to western europe since 1980- so my status as a viable donor has been deferred INDEFINITELY. for reals???

http://www.bloodbook.com/donr-requir.html

also, check the age restrictions- listed in DOG YEARS AS WELL- (for all of you who couldn't compute whether or not your apparently ancient dog could contribute blood to a human blood drive, and had the patience to scroll down to the bottom just to check the asterisk.) unless it's over 420 years old, a non-donating dog can be considered a life-withholder as well.

best news i've heard all day!

"Despite a drop in its fourth-quarter earnings and collapsing oil prices, Exxon Mobil, the world’s largest publicly traded oil company, still managed to set a record as the most profitable American corporation ever last year."

phew. i was worried.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/31/business/31oil.html?hp

spotted

brod + bathroom + banana = SHENANIGANS!

this just in

subject of the email i just, JUST got:

"Cover letters for invoices through 12/31/97; four more are waiting for Don's signature."

97? really? really. that's not even remotely close to 08.

i'm not at desk right now

actually i am, so i got to hear this stellar gem:

beta bromancer: hey, you want some of my street meat?
alpha bromancer: no thanks.
beta bromancer: i'm only gonna ask you this one more time- do you want some of my street meat?
alpha bromancer: no, my banana was enough.